Wednesday, October 21, 2009

yesterday's feeling.

i tot i would be okayy.
actually, i AM okay.
but still, i do feel something.
something that could stop me from smiling.
something that make my day restless.
there's some energy that blocked me to feel..
for god sake for surely i know that i SHOULD NOT feel like this.
i deserve to be happy, to be seen, to be cared, and whatever other stuff.
but.. yeah there's 'but' at the end of my phrase kann. A LOT actually!
idk whether i am being too pessimistic or what. but i can't control myself this time.
sort of tired of fighting in this game. bila lah nak game over?? :S
but i came to think of it back, it's okey syafinaz, it's okay for you to feel like shit at the moment.
to feel like your world is soo dark and cynical.(padahal my real life is soo far from it kan)
why should i lie to myself rite?

i just realize. actually someone made me realize that after all of this time.
i've been neglecting my life.
i created my own fake and so-called cool life. untill i myself forgot. where i was belong to.
i ought to know that my life is isn't that difficult and complex, syafinaz.
yea, please wake up and hold up to your own pillar (uww pole dancing :P hehe jussstt kidding :P)
yes i can do it.
dreams all real. all we have to do is just believe.
and one more thing, yes the dream, aim and goal is important.
but yet the most important thing is, the journey of reaching out the goal itself.
have u guys ever realize that the journey itself will make you who you are someday when u reached your goal.
it will determine how will you lead your goal afterwards.
life is like a long highway. it is still gotta way to go evendoe you already reach your goal ( let say tol tunai, touch n go, smart tag is a metaphors for goal from my highway story :P)
after we reached tol, we still have to continue driving to get to our home or kampung or mana mana rite??
it goes same in our life. there is a lot of thing ahead for us to reach out.
yea sometimes i admit that i feel like wanna give in and just sit back and lay down in my fantasy world.
but hello come on. we live this life once. so dont messed yourself up. errr evendoe i do think that i'm pretty fucked up myself.
yea sometimes i do feel like wanna turn back the clock and make it the day before before before before yesterday yesterday yesterdayy. wayyy wayyy back. where my life is not as complex as now. where i don't have to choose hardly in decision making. where i don't have to fight to the max for some shit. uughh annoyingg..
but thank god moments later i snap out from that kerja bodoh 'always want to look back stuff'.
there is nothing at the back syafinaz..
your life is more interesting ahead..
it is more meaningful and beautiful. but it's your job to treasure it. and learn it.
past is like one portrait for me to describe. it's something that tells stories.
the happiness, sadness, fearness, emptyness, angriness, disappointment'ness', and other 'ness'.
it is there, the story was there.. yea it's there for us to see. just see..
and to remember :) and then after that we will leave it hanging on the wall back alone..
but life ahead is a mystery. one exciting mystery :)

the most suitable song for this post is - a place in this world by taylor swiff. this is a piece from my fav list song <3>click here to listen to the song :)
and also many credits to anuar for tot me about a LOADS of thing when everytime we were talking to each other :)

i feel nothing.
sasya :)


  1. don't expect life to be fair. it’s just fairer than death, that’s all. just be strong now because things will get better. it might be stormy now but it cant rain forever right? ;)

  2. awwww.. thanks babee.. :)
    yeaa it cant be bad all the way rite..
    surely it's going to be okeeyy.
    cuz i;m a good person. and God Almighty will not punish His good person lama lamaa :) <-- bajet baik gila :P. but we're not that evil okay.
    diorang tu yg jahat !! esp HIM !
    One day he will get something in return from his action..
    yeahh karma is a bitch :)
    we're a good person qilah :)